Tag Archives: de-escalation

Maneuvering In, Out and Around a Stand-Off Confrontation

Interview or ambush? You walk up to trouble, or trouble walks up to you! So, if it’s not a stone-cold, surprise, physical ambush, you are in a developing encounter-interview with someone who-

  • is picking a fight with you for whatever the reason, yelling and arguing with you.
  • is probably about to commit some sort of a crime upon you, other than simple assault. 
The world is rage-full these days it seems. Even family, friends,acquaintances and strangers can twist off or…be criminals. You might still say the standoff-showdown is an “interview” of sorts. Just an interview? For professionals like police, guards, soldiers, etc. even if someone is screaming at your face, this is still an “interview,” and you have to somehow remain cool, calm and collect. This is professionalism at the best level. It’s hard. I know. It’s physically and mentally hard and situational. 
Stay-Leave. When police, prosecutors and defense attorneys, virtually worldwide investigate a case, one major question they ask is – Why were you there? This is a two-parter, why did you go there and why are you still there? Were you stuck there for some reason?
If stuck there, how will you stand in front of, and-or around this cornering and-or aggressive person? We tackle this problem (pun intended) extensively in Stop 1 of the Stop 6 program – the 6 common “crash-collisions” of a fight. And Stop 1 of the 6 is nicknamed “Showdown,” or “Stand-Off,” a time just before contact…yet. In the hand, stick, knife and gun world, this zone is anything between sniper range on down to nearly nose-to-nose.
Since most of the population is not dealing with snipers, this brings us to the common “interview.” Thus, the “interview stance” must be some sort of a ready position. But not too, too “ready-looking” because that alone might psychologically escalate the situation, or cause any possible witnesses to think YOU were escalating the situation into law-breaking violence.
New Police interview Distance Advice.  Of late, officers are advised to remain “two giant steps and a lunge” from a suspicious person. Of course, citizens are not required to stay and interview-talk, but some situations may cause them to remain. This sounds like a reasonable distance but an attacker can fly-spring right through that space. Keep that in mind.
A Quick Note on Verbal De-Escalators While on this initial confrontation topic, a quick “side step” here over to verbal skills. With all the verbal, de-escalator experts out there, there are many courses available on de-escalation. You will hear advice from all sorts of people.They are often run by lots of intellectual folks who have never had such attacks and confrontations forced on them, and they imagine, concoct, over-value their ideas that their great, practiced orations will interrupt a fight.
Remember that de-escalation for cops is different than for guards, different for door men, for soldiers, for citizens on a parking lot, family members in a domestic, angry customers, or road rage encounters, etc. Process their suggested advice through your Who, What, Where, When, How and Why Questions filter.
Not all advice helps you all the time. Never forget this guy drawn below who is just there to fight, All your non-aggressive, micro-expressions and rehearsed, non-aggressive wordings and steps won’t stop the guy who likes to fight on Friday night. And it’s getting late. He has his own negative script. He follows an antithesis to your script.
How Might You Stand? In this regard, I would like to say that in all my 3 decades of police work I had a trick in this pre-fight instance. If a situation was percolating into physical trouble, my body/feet would be bladed somewhat from that person, but not too far! Not like a sideways karate-kick stance! We’ll call it just somewhat “bladed.” Somewhat, which could be one foot an inch off the straight line. Simple walking creates bladed hip positions.  It’s situational and positional. Just be athletic. Be football. Be rugby. Be basketball. And remember the phrase – a fighting stance is about balance and power in motion, not a still photograph.
In a potentially dangerous moment, I would, inside my pant’s legs, unbeknownst to anyone, bend slightly at the knees. This creates a more springboard, athletic position. It acted like a “switch” for me, turning on the “juices” in my body that trouble was brewing. I am sure by now you have heard the many experiments where body chemicals were sort of, inspired or reverse engineered in this manner. The same is true for other physical responses and body chemicals. 
On the flip side of your concealed knee bend is his knee bend. If it’s visible? If you have a person confronting/standing before you, and he suddenly crouches down to some degree? This crouch is a natural athletic move and he might not realize he’s doing it. This is NOT good for you as it is a positive indication that he is about to get physical. A crouch and or they might start twisting their torso which is a high percentage, common precursor for a sucker punch, you must act according and prepare for trouble. (Inside my book Fightin’ Words and Training Mission One and my Stop 6 program, you will find all those pre-fight tips I’ve been collecting since 1973.) Remember all these cues when you must later articulate why you did what you did.
Pre-fight cues are different than pre-crime cues.
The Troubles with Pre-Emptive Stances and Strikes. But, if you jump into a fighting stance, “before” the actual fight, which might be a terrific idea, be aware that your “action-guy” pose could be perceived as an escalation to violence. This may spur on the other guy, or make YOU look like the actual fight-starter to ignorant witnesses – 
“Two guys were just arguing, Officer. And then, the guy in the suit squared off like he was going to fight. Then the other guy did too. Then the fight started.”
You inadvertently “started” the fight by just getting ready to fight. What if you struck first to protect yourself from an inevitable assault? Part of many self defense repertoires is the “re-emptive” strike, taught void of legal traps and complications. I mean, such strikes are smart and great in many ways. You know this physical fight is going to happen, so you strike first. This is your own little ambush to thwart his plan. Best are usually delivered from a non-fighting, “sucker punch stance, huh? Could be a strike or a kick. This is why all unarmed, self defense systems must practice all their strikes and kicks from the typical, neutral, non-fight stances. But, this same witnessing of a pre-emptive strike can make you look like the law-breaking, “fight-starter.” Nearby witnesses may tattle:
“Two guys were just arguing, officer, and then the guy on the left hauled off and smacked the other guy in the head!”
 Like so much in life, anything within a certain spectrum of events, good or bad, can happen. May work. May not work. In this particular “stand-off, heated interview” moment, here are some common, even natural responses in the script of life.
  • Leaving, fast or slowly in an “orderly retreat.”
  • Cowering, “collapsing” of some facial and physical sort.
  • Automatic anger.
  • Ignoring the confronter, in some way.
  • Command presence of some sort.
  • Fighting ready pose.
  • Maneuver a distance from the problem person or persons (see below on distances).
  • Sometimes you can just keep walking.
  • Get something between you. Car? Table? Whatever? Be aware of the “stuff” all around you.
  • Maneuver near an exit, for a sudden escape.
  • Maneuver over into the sight of witnesses.
  • Maneuver to something that can be grabbed as a weapon or a shield.
  • Realize a person or persons may be maneuvering YOU by crowding you, distracting you and getting you into a inescapable position, a no-witness situation. (A pre-meditated ambush is full of these factors.)
  • Running away? How far and fast can you run?
  • Keep developing this list…
Hock’s email is Hock@SurvivalCentrix.com

These interview-ambush subjects are covered EXTENSIVELY in Training Mission One book, click here


Escalation! “I PULL, THEN HE PULLS!”

Trauma and drama. Years ago in a seminar in Kentucky, USA, an attendee, someone with zero martial or martial arts experience, just a regular guy attending a gun and knife seminar, asked…

“Someone confronts me over something. Maybe there will be a fight. It’s – you know- getting tense. If I pull my knife to…to scare him away or defend myself? And he is carrying a gun? Or a bigger knife? Will this cause him to pull his out? Have I caused him to escalate the fight?”

“Aahhh, yeah, that could happen,” I said.
“That’s pretty messy,” he said.
“Yeah,” I said.

And everyone stared at me for follow-up, words of wisdom and some “magic bullet” solution. I have none, except to remind, “Violence will almost always suck.”

People want “magic bullet” answers to a lot of complicated, situational, self-defense questions. There’s always big talk in the self-defense industry about “avoidance.” If too late to avoid, then next up in the event list is what they call “de-escalation.” Avoiding and de-escalating a common knucklehead before a fight physically starts is a small cottage industry of money-making. Some instructors confidently dole out magic bullets and solutions to confrontations.

  • “Say these things!”
  • “Do this!”
  • “Do that!”
  • “Stand like this!”
  • “Don’t ever….

Now, I think it is certainly good to be exposed to all these ideas and methods. Sure. Why not? Do so. But as an obsessed skeptic, I see the false positives of the advice. I have investigated a whole lot of crimes through the decades; and while there are identifiable patterns and surprises, chaos can sure still reign supreme. But let me summarize by calling it all “situational.”

In the end, solutions are situational. Like calling plays in a football game, it depends on the situation. How you stand and what you say or do should be situational. Custom-built. 

Other than an ambush, there’s an argument-confrontation. Then maybe a fight Given you have already performed all your pop/psych, lingo-bingo, avoidance and de-escalation steps, is it legally time to pull the weapon? You are armed under your coat or in your pocket with a knife or even a gun, and this verbal voodoo just ain’t working! “I’m singing the wrong song!” “Calling the wrong play!”

The mean man won’t leave! Or worse, the men (plural) won’t leave. Do you pull that weapon out? There are some situational concerns with doing this; and these concerns certainly do involve the overall escalating ladder of weaponry, violence, and legal problems. Even a facial expression and certainly striking a fighting stance can escalate the problem.

Here are a few facts and related ideas on the subject to kick around:

  • Fact: Some people do leave. You have the lingo-bingo and dodged the fight, or you have vamoosed yourself! (It’s the old, “why did you go there and why are you still there”?) On the flip side- will he leave? Will your pulled weapon make him leave? For many a year, 65% to 70% of the time when a knife or a pistol (sticks, by the way, are not in these study figures) is pulled in the USA, the criminal leaves you alone (old DOJ stats, old as it became harder and harder since the 1990s to find these numbers, as I don’t think the liberals like the message.) I have often heard the easy average of 67% used. But investigating crimes, I must warn folks that this is not as clean and simple an escape as it sounds. You pull, he walks away? Not so simple. There are many emotional, ugly events that happen in this weapon presentation-confrontation, even if the bad guy eventually leaves. In my experience and study, if the criminal is alone he might be quicker to leave, but if he is in or around a group, “his” group, he puts on more of a show before leaving to save face. We discuss these details in certain topical seminars and other specific essays. But a command presence while holding a weapon is worth looking into a mirror and practicing. I am sure Clint Eastwood did. And like actors practice their lines, it’s good to practice some lingo-bingo. Oh, and by the way Gorgo, you can’t shoot everybody. 

Fact: Some people don’t leave. The good news with the 65%-35% split that if he will leaves 65% of the time, then you may only have to fight about 30-ish% of the time! So 30% of the time, 3 out of 10 the opponent does not leave and the fight is on, whether he is unarmed or armed, alone or with a pack. The bad news is when you are now in that “unlucky 30%,” or you might say you are now a 100%-er. You are 100% there and stuck in it. A hand, stick, knife, or gun fight! Your 6 out of 10 wins has turned to a 1 to 1 because, it’s you. You!

Fact: Yes, Some people are armed. You read it here! 40% to…gulp…90%? If you pull first, will he pull a bigger one next? General USA stats quoted for many years past say that 40% of the time the people we fight are armed. A few years back the FBI upped that anti. One retired state trooper deep dove into the stats and declared that NINETY percent of the people we scrap with are armed. Wow. 90%! That shocked me and I can’t imagine that. And another gem to add in is that 40% of the time we fight two or more people. Hmmm. So 40% (or 90%?) or more armed times 40% multiple opponents. Not a healthy equation. Lots of people. Lots of weapons. Lots of numerical possibilities. Lots of situations. The “smart money” in the USA or anywhere else is always bet that the opponent is armed.

Facts: Times and reasons to pull weapons. Back to the Who, What, Where, When, How and Why foundation questions I harp on. Time to pull relates to when? And reasons to pull relates to why? Logical and physical. Time and reason might seem the same, but defining times and reasons in your mind and for your training is smart. Be a legal-beagle. You may as well check into the de-escalator cottage industry and evaluate the material. Even I have suggestions on the subject as I know there are “scripts” to life, and criminal-victim exchanges often follow a script. Dialogues. Good to ad-lib. There is a script book to violence and you don’t want to be in that movie. Their movie.

Hock’s email is Hock@SurvivalCentrix.com

A free, full training film a month on Hock’s Combatives TV Channel. Click here.



Words Fail…The Mysteries of De-Escalation.

In this age of widespread interest in de-escalation and verbal skills to defuse any and all encounters, this is a tale about how convoluted and difficult a quick, on-the-spot verbal solution might be. It’s a short story from a case I worked on.

A driver pulled his truck up into a handicapped parking space to drop his wife off at a post office. He did not put his truck into “park.” She got out and walked away. He reached down, did something for a second, and was about to back out of the spot, when a man walked by the front of his truck, scowling and yelling at him, waving a hand in the air.

The driver rolled down the window and said, “What?”

The man yelled in outrage about the driver parking in a handicapped spot. The driver, aghast at the outrage said, “I am not parked. I am leaving. I just dropped someone off!”   

The man started cursing and closing in. “I had to park over there,” and he pointed down the lot. “You can’t park here!”
“I’m not parked here!” he said again. But then he now was, as the driver put his truck into the parking gear and got out, telling me later he thought that the man would come over and kick in and dent his truck, or reach into the open window after him.

The driver got between the man and his truck and said, “WHAT is your problem?” (oh, what a classic line! The classic answer is – “you’re my problem” and so on and so on. The very common low-brow script of a fight). And so it goes. You know the dialogue of this bad movie from this point on. You already know it. I often tell you that these pre-fights words are like movie scripts and usually quite predictable. 

The complainer swings at the driver. The driver fights back. There are witnesses. The police are called and the man gets arrested for assault. Later this complainer files an assault case back on the driver and it becomes a “he-said, he-said” deal.


My sad part of the story is that one morning in a detective squad meeting, I got both cases dropped on my desk. My CID  Lieutenant says, “this ain’t going away.” Meaning these two guys are calling us and complaining about each other and how each were in the right. And of course, one of the two had even called the chief. Another day in Detective Heaven.

I started with this angry man, the complainer. I asked him to come in and give us a written statement, which he jumped at the chance to vent. He showed up for the appointment, loaded for vocal bear, and in a small, interview office I let him unload. The guy was panting when the oratory was over. I did not say a word.

“Okay,” says I. “let’s get that whole story down on paper.” I had to read him his rights and now the story was officially counted. And line by line, we got it all down as I typed his words as he said them. He calmed down and his remarks took a turn to another topic. The real cause and motivation of his complaining. Handicapped people and handicapped parking…

“What’s the ratio of handicapped people compared to non-handicapped people?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Now he was getting mad at me.
“Well you should know. People like you in your business should know.”
“I know this much,” he continued. “I know that there are too many handicapped parking places. There has to be too many of them compared to regular people. If you go down to Kmart you’ll see all those good, front parking places are reserved for the handicapped. What a dozen? Dozen and a half? Are there that many handicapped people parking there, compared to others? A regular person has to hike to the store.”

I did not answer. Then I said,” you want me to mention your parking spot concerns in the statement?”
“Hell yeah! Maybe someone will read it for a change?

 This theme rolled on. I realized that the guy wasn’t mad at the driver because the driver had pulled into the handicapped slot for a second. He wasn’t protecting the rights of the handicapped. This guy was mad at handicapped people! And how many parking places they got. He was ripping mad because of proliferation of handicapped parking! It would really be difficult, it is really difficult to de-escalate such an encounter without…ESP.

It’s always wise to explore de-escalation. Sure. But, there are a lot of people “out there” teaching de-escalation. In my opinion, most of them (and I know many of them) are very logical, very nice people but have never really stood before face-to-face rage. Real rage and its bizarre twists. Seen its ugly face. Or stood before someone who fights every Friday night, who just wants to fight for fight’s sake, and its Friday night, 11:30 p.m.!

Words can fail us. Words fail me… 

For more…

Argue Better by Signaling Your  Receptiveness: https://psyche.co/ideas/argue-better-by-signalling-your-receptiveness-with-these-words


Hock’s email is HockHochheim@ForceNecessary.com

For more stories like this, read Fightin’ Words, click here

01 Book Cover-med