I wonder…do people know why so many folks have big bison-buffalo beards today? What caused the more “recent” …beard fad? Craze?
A burst of beards? I like to ask these origin questions once in a while. Like who created the Krav Maga craze? It was Darren Levine out of Los Angeles in the 1990s, and like… a million or two dollars in advertising. Many Krav people say, “Dar… whaa… who?” Best thank Darren, not Imi! They don’t know these things. Or, I ask, why do these dudes walk around with their pants half down on their butts. Prison, homosexual signal. Underwear, displaying fashion people say, “wait…what?”
So, on the beards, why are so many people running around these days with buffalo beards? A “burst of beards!” (Is that an official term of venery?) It was/is a unique run kicked off again from the post 9-11 special force guys in Afghanistan, From these early 2000s photos sent back to the USA. It was somewhat common knowledge back then that these guys had to communicate and work with local, long-bearded cats over there and it became beneficial, much to the chagrin of many clean-shaven, US Army traditionalists, for these guys to grow insane beards. Pictures just like this one here.
“Back in the day,” in the ol’ Army, one had to acquire a “profile” to have a beard, as in a medical profile. Your facial skin was so screwed up you couldn’t shave. It seems like a few folks had such profiles, to the consternation of the “head shed.” (Head Shed being a nickname for “command,” “HQ” thee…officers in charge, etc. Could also be the NCOs too! The…sergeants.) We were jealous of these profilers. We wanted fuzz too! Just because it was outlawed. But, the profilers couldn’t grow complete full buffalo beards, so they had, what would later be recognized as the Miami Vice/ Don Johnson look. These fuzzy profilers especially ticked off the drill sergeants in Basic Training.
Formation scene – Drill Sgt. in front of profiler:
“Private Ass-face! Your face looks like a hairy ass!”
“I have a profiling problem, Drill Sergeant.”
“I have never seen a problem that couldn’t be solved with a hand grenade!” (A magnificent line I used the rest of my life, by the way.)
And by the way, all would agree if you were alive and cognizant in the 1980s, that Don Johnson of the Miami Vice TV show, started the whole close-shave, fuzz-beard craze of those times. Further evidence that beard fads exist. But I digress.
Still, in Afghanistan, in the 2000s, special guys had beards. Minus any medical profiles. Forward operating base guys had beards too (who could shave sitting on rock ledge watching idiots test-probing and outflanking you all day and night?)
Then, seeing these action-guy photos, the wannabes, state-siders, started growing thick, long beards too. Seriously, we saw it happen.
- Before this war era, a normal ratio of people walked the Earth with normal beards. Usually trimmed. Some were engulfed in buffalo beards we’d see, yes. But not that many at all. Cuz it was outlander-weird! Homeless-looking.
- Before this war era, a normal ratio of “normal” beards appeared at shooting courses and gun ranges. Of those, some, rarely, were buffalo-bearded. Rare, cuz it was outlander-weird. Homeless-looking.
- Before this war era, there were no fun, culty, web pages dedicated to the cares and concerns of giant, buffalo beards.
Then, these disgusting, lumberjack, flanneled, hipsters started growing pretty-boy, beard resemblances. Splinters began.
As a result, origins-lost and the splinter factor…
– You may have a buffalo beard from some other splintered, down-line reason. You may have a billy goat beard? You may have a lesser beard but still inspired by these origins.
– You may also wear yer drawers outside yer pants for some other splintered, down-line reason, other then getting laid in Cell Block 13.
– You may also have “Krav Maga” tattooed on your forearm for some other splintered, down-line reason other than Darren’s millions.
Another old school nickname for a thick beard is a “crumb-catcher.” I for one, who can’t get the smell of a cheeseburger out of my car, would not want to eat while sporting any beard inhibiting my eating and hiding my mouth. I really, really don’t care what you do, but it’s fun sometimes too look at the recent origins of things and see how fads get started and what becomes of them.
Fads. I still have my pet rock. But, I had one before they started selling them, though. So…you know, I’m cool. Hey, the guy who invented the pet rock had quite a beard too. I guess I will have to settle for a Chia pet to support the cause. There’s an ironic theme in here somewhere, that I am unable to grasp…
Hock’s email is HockHochheim@ForceNecessary.com